As I Watch This Night Fade Into Day
by Soncnica
Summary: I know my little brother will be alright.
1. Big Brother

**I own nothing. Nothing at all. ****Sorry for any mistakes you might find. This is a story in 3 parts, and yeah this is leading somewhere…trust me. You know…me and my weird mind…**_LOL_

**Enjoy…**

**---**

Have you ever driven a car down glistering asphalt in the middle of the night?

Have you ever driven a car down glistering asphalt in the middle of the night with your little brother sitting in the passenger seat?

Have you ever?

Have you ever driven a car with your little brother sitting in the passenger seat with silent tears glistering in his eyes and you knowing that they will never fall?

Have you ever driven a car in the middle of the night with your little brother sitting in the passenger seat and the only thing that you can say to him is: "'s gonna be alright…" and to have the words die on your tongue even before they reach your little brother's ears?

Have you ever?

Have you ever driven a car down a dark road with your little brother sitting in the passenger seat with tears pooling in his way too expressive eyes and the only thing that you can hear is his choked up: "Yeah…" that dies on his lips even before you can take your next breath?

Have you ever?

Have you ever driven a car down a lonely stretch of black road, in the dead of the night, with your baby brother sitting in the passenger seat and to feel _something_ slipping away from you?

Have you ever driven a car and stepped on the gas in hope that you'll speed up the car through days and come to a stop in the day when your baby brother won't be hurting anymore?

Have you ever?

**---**

**TBC…**


	2. Little Brother

**I am soooo sorry...this part should've been up last night, but I was...on the other side of sober so...I am sooo sorry....you don't have to review this or Hell even read it, and I will try to put the third part up later today! Thank you to everyone who put this on their alert list!!! **_hugs_** And sooo sorry for any grammar mistakes that you might find!  
**

**Enjoy…**

**---**

Have you ever driven in a car down glistering asphalt in the middle of the night?

Have you ever driven in a car down glistering asphalt in the middle of the night with your big brother sitting in the driver's seat?

Have you ever?

Have you ever driven in a car with your big brother sitting in the driver's seat gripping the steering wheel with white knuckles giving you sideway glances that you really couldn't have handled right then?

Have you ever driven in a car in the middle of the night with your big brother sitting in the driver's seat and the only words that you could've vaguely hear spoken with his deep voice were: "'s gonna be alright…"

Have you ever?

Have you ever driven in a car down a dark road with your big brother sitting in the passenger seat gripping the steering wheel with white knuckles and the only thing that you could have said to him was a choked up: "Yeah…" that died on your lips even before you could have taken your next breath?

Have you ever?

Have you ever driven in a car down a lonely stretch of black road, in the dead of the night, with your big brother sitting in the driver's seat and felt _someone_ slipping away from you?

Have you ever driven in a car and wished that your big brother would step on gas and hoped that the car would speed up through days and come to a stop in the day when you wouldn't be hurting anymore?

Have you ever?

**---**

**TBC…**


	3. Family

**The ****final part. Sorry I couldn't post this yesterday, we had this huge thunderstorm and I was glued to the window watching the lightning and rain and all. It was awesome. **

**Anyways…thank you all so very much for reading…and I'm sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes you're surely gonna find. **

**Enjoy…**

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The house they found driving on some back roads was a blessing.

A few weeks after leaving Palo Alto and Sam was finally showing some signs of 'grieving'. But it was still 'grieving' in the Winchester meaning of the word. Show nothing, be strong, suck it up…only show pain when you really can't take it anymore.

The house they were squatting in had big windows, wooden floor and spider webs that crossed the entire ceiling from left to right. The night that was caressing the woods outside was about to fade; the moon was slowly crawling upon the sky towards some hills in the distance, the stars were bright, the wind was blowing cold over Sam's cheek. The whole house was moaning, when the nightly cold hit it…the wood constricting under the cold breeze. Fall was in full swing.

Dean was skipping holes that gapped from the wooden floor like little mouths waiting for a bite, should his foot get stuck in one of them.

"Here ya go." He bumped Sam's shoulder with a fresh bottle of beer and sat down on his sleeping bag bumping an empty bottle of beer out of his way with his foot.

The bottle rolled towards the opened door, stopping somewhere in the hallway.

"Thanks, man." Sam took the offered beer and smiled at his brother: "'s cold."

"Yeah, had it the cooler."

Sam shook his hand, making the little droplets of water that were on the bottle before, find their way onto the floor. He wiped his hand in his shirt and opened the bottle. The little _hiss_ that did was the only sound in the room.

"That's the last one you're gonna get, so…"

Sam didn't say anything, just took a big, long gulp of the beer and felt it sizzle down his throat. It felt good…this…drinking with his brother. It felt normal in a way…even though they were here _after everything_, but everyone has to sleep, right? Yeah…everyone, but him. The nightmares…they made sleeping Hell.

Dean cleared his throat: "Sam?"

"'m fine…" it was way too quick and way to cut off for Dean to leave it be.

"Sam…"

Sam looked at his brother, meeting his eyes head on for the first time since what felt like ages: "'m fine…I'm perfectly fine. Don't worry about me so much, you're gonna get an ulcer or something."

"I've known you for ages man, you've already given me an ulcer."

Sam smiled and took another sip of his beer. He could already feel the slight buzz in his head…could already see how his perception of things was changing. The house was becoming alive right in front of his eyes; Dean's voice was fading in and out of his mind, his hands were becoming like rubber, and his tongue was starting to tangle up in words. Yeah, two beers really was his limit.

"I wish there was a TV in here."

Sam laughed: "Yeah…" and picked on the peeling label on the beer bottle.

"Well at least we have a toilet." Dean looked at Sam and wiggled his eyebrows, making Sam smile a little; only a little.

They were sipping their beer, sitting in the middle of the room, facing the open door, facing the beginning of a hallway where people walked on at some point. But now the hallway was empty and gray…the moonlight was shining through the windows…making everything look melancholic.

The sleeping bags were soft where they were sitting on them, the beer cold and refreshing and Sam was swimming in thoughts he really shouldn't be. Alcohol made him think about things, things he didn't want to…not now.

_Jess…_

"Gotta take a leak."

"Don't fall in!"

Sam smiled and put down his half empty bottle: "Leave me some, man."

"I ain't gonna drink it…but I can't vouch for that mouse over there."

"Funny."

Sam stumbled to the door, caught his balance with a shaky hand on the frame and stumbled down the hallway to the bathroom they saw earlier while checking out the place.

It was just a toilet, a mirror, a broken bathtub and a sink that saw better days. But it was something; at least he didn't need to go out into the freezing night to say 'hi' to the trees. There was a large window near the bathtub and the very early dawn was illuminating the room. He didn't need any light for being alone.

The door made a click when he closed them behind himself…privacy was desired even if it wasn't always gained. But here…he would have made a door out of all the fallen trees he saw outside if that would gain him some privacy. He wanted to be alone; just for a few minutes…by himself…without big brother shooting sideway glances in his direction every few minutes and he really didn't have anymore strength to answer big brother's concerned questions. He was drained of excuses for the way he was feeling, acting, existing.

The mirror was cracked all over, little cracks, one long one and one looking like a half moon. A whole new species was being born on the smooth surface of it and Sam choked. Even as little as some moss can make life…but he couldn't…not with Jess. Not ever.

"Jess…" he whispered to the moss, hoping that it would understand him. But it didn't.

"_Seriously. I__'__m proud of you and you're gonna knock em dead on Monday and you're gonna get that full ride. I know it."_

"There was no Monday, baby…" Sam said to the mirror…to himself, to the moss.

"_At least tell me where you__'__re going."_

"I couldn't…I had to," he smiled, his smile crooked with a crack on the mirror, "had to keep you safe."

"_So come home soon, okay? I love you." _

"Yeah…yeah me too." And his throat started to burn with the pain of his eyes filling up with tears.

-:-

Dean's beer bottle was getting empty fast and it was as if Sam's half full one was laughing at him.

"Come on, Sammy. The beer ain't gonna drink itself." He mumbled more to himself then to anyone else.

"Aw, screw it." he reached for the bottle of Sam's beer: "Week bladder, my gain, little brother." and took a sip of the cool liquid.

When the bottle was empty…Dean's mind became alert. No one takes a leak for _that _long.

"Sam?!" he yelled into the empty house and got no reply.

-:-

"Sam? You okay?"

"Taking a leak here, man."

Dean smiled: "Dude, you've been taking a leak for half an hour. You didn't drink that much."

No answer.

"Sam?"

"I'll be right out."

"Sam, if you're jer…"

"No!!!"

"Okay, okay."

"Dean, just…"

There was something shaking Sam's voice…tears…pain…and Dean knew. It has finally come to this…

"Sammy…" Dean slid down the cold, thin wooden door, caught some spider webs on his way down and landed on a piece of broken wood that must have fallen from the door frame.

He could have easily broken down the door and get in but...Sam didn't want him to and that was okay.

Sam heard something make a scratchy sound near the door and turned around to face them, figuring it was the rats making the havoc. But there was nothing there, just the large wooden door.

He walked over to them and hit his back on them and slid down. He could have sworn he felt Dean's body heat reaching out to him from the other side of the door.

Sam pulled his legs up to his chest and lowered his head, his forehead touching his knees: "Dean?"

Sam's voice sounded so young; way to young. Dean pulled his legs up to his chest and enveloped them with his hands: "Yeah?"

Dean was there…behind the door. They were sitting back to back with only a thin barrier of wood separating them. It was a weird feeling that enveloped Sam there and then…he tried so desperately to avoid his big brother, but now…now he was grateful that Dean came.

Time passed by, the moon almost gone now.

"I, uh…miss her."

"I know you do."

Time passed by, the stars almost gone now.

"I, uh…I loved her. Really did."

"I know you still do."

Time passed by, little particles of dust swirling around in the murky hallway.

"I want her back."

Dean heard a thud fallowed by a knock on his back, knowing full well that Sam hit his head on the door.

"Sammy…"

"I want her back…"

"Sam…"

Time passed by and there were no sobs, no crying, no tears…there was just this pressure of loosing _someone, something_.

"I never should have left her alone."

"Sam…"

"You know what the very last thing was that she said to me?"

Dean shook his head no, but didn't voice it out.

"She said 'So come home soon, okay? I," Sam hit the back of his head on the door, "love," another hit, "you.'" and another hit fallowed by the sound of broken glass.

"Sam!!" Dean jumped to his feet and was in the bathroom before Sam even registered the pain in his hand.

"Sam?!"

Dean's eyes were wide, Sam's were teary. Dean's hands were reaching out and Sam's were bloody.

"Sam, come on. Let's get you out of here."

"Don't...just don't man. Just don't…I should've been there to protect her and I wasn't."

Dean did not like the direction this was going: "Sam, it wasn't your fault."

"You say that like its true."

"It _is_ true."

There was this awkward silence then, interrupted by the early chirping of birds.

"It's true Sam, it wasn't your fault. Just trust me on this one, Sam…please…just…please." Dean was not above begging, seeing his baby brother's blood dripping on the dark floor.

Time passed by slowly, agonizingly slow.

"I know you miss her man and I would give anything to get her back to you, but I can't."

Sam heard the near tears in Dean's voice. He knew that Dean would do anything to get Jess…to save Jess if he could.

"I know."

"I know you're angry, I know that, but get angry at the thing that killed Jess and Mom…I already told you that…this," he pointed to Sam's bleeding hands, "this isn't helping."

Dean didn't know what else to say. There was no magic cure for healing his brother's breaking heart. No cure at all.

Sam looked down at his hands, the blood running freely from his knuckles, his palm, the broken glass still glistering in his skin: "I want _it_ dead."

"Me too. But first we have to bandage that," he pointed to Sam's hands, "and then we have to find Dad."

"I know."

"Good, now come on."

Dean tugged at Sam's sleeve and together they stumbled to the 'living room' and Dean pushed Sam to sit down on the sleeping bag.

"Dude, we're so drunk."

"Damn right we are." Dean chuckled and wrapped a bandana over Sam's knuckles just for a little while.

"You gonna be okay? I need to go to the car to get some bandages."

Sam looked up to meet his brother's wide, green eyes, nothing but concern shining in them. He couldn't face that right now. Not after this stupid thing he did…but he was so angry and the mirror with the moss growing on it was just the right target to hit. To make it hurt. To make everything bleed.

He averted his eyes, couldn't see Dean like that…all concerned and protective…because he knew he didn't deserve that. Not now.

His gaze found the beer bottles lying forgotten on the floor: "Man, you drank my beer." Sam laughed; the laughter spreading through the house and Dean's bones alongside the very first rays of sunlight. Yeah Sam will be okay. Sam is strong. He is and he'll always be. Just like Dad.

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**The End....BUT, because this story totally sucks, I would suggest (if you want to read how I totally crashed Sam over Jess's death, and Dean being all supportive and hugable, LOL) that you go read my story SHATTERED! I'm sure you won't regret it. I cried writing that story...still do whenever I read it.  
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